Master and Commander (2003)

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World could have been a great swashbuckling epic. Indeed, it appears to be quite accurate in its portrayal of 19th century naval warfare. Unfortunately, no matter how hard it tries, it just isn't very exciting or inspirational or awe-inspiring or any of the other things a great epic should be.

I think Hollywood basically just got tired of Russell Crowe going around to different bars and starting fights, so they decided to make a movie where he starts fights on a boat. But then they remembered that Robin Williams already made Popeye into a movie and it didn't do very well at the box office, so Hollywood paid some snooty intellectuals to toss in some historical accuracy as well.

The problem with M and C is that there's only enough story to support about 30 minutes worth of action. So some stuff happens at the beginning, and some stuff happens at the end, but other than a few little incidents through the middle (including the obligatory "big sea storm" scene), not much happens. Mostly it's just Russell Crowe dealing with the whiny ship's doctor about whether to go look at turtles or not. Exciting stuff, that is.

My recommendation is to wait until this one's on network tv, and then just watch the first and last half hours. You won't miss a thing, and won't have to pay for it, either.