Jurassic Park III (2001)

It wasn't that bad. It had a few decent moments. And to be honest, I had wanted to see it, but I'd intended to wait for the DVD release. But when we arrived at the theater to discover that the long awaited American Pie II was sold out, our choices came down to Jurassic Park III or America's Sweethearts. We chose the former, and I stand by that decision, given the circumstances.

The most enlightening thing I can say about this movie is that there was more tension outside the theater between Brian and some big-mouthed (and equally big-boned) chick than there was on the whole island full of dinosaurs. The whole movie feels very rushed. There's some token discussion of raptors at the beginning, mostly just to remind us of how scared we're supposed to be of them. Yeah, yeah, we get it, they're smart and scary. Sorry, but no one's got the market on "smart and scary" cornered like Hannibal Lecter.

It was obviously the goal of the editing crew to get into the action as quickly as possible, probably to help cover up the flimsy story. The plot, by the way, was apparently thrown together from the parts of Michael Crichton's books that didn't make it into the first two films. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if this movie was actually just footage salvaged from the cutting-room floor of those earlier flicks, spliced together with a few shots of Tea Leone and a new raptor that looked an awful lot like Stripe from Gremlins.

I also took issue with the soundtrack. John Williams' majestic Jurassic Park score is tossed in to try and force us into feeling wonderment towards the island and its inhabitants, but the simple fact is that we've seen it all before and we're really just waiting to see some blood. The use of that once grand music here cheapens it immensely.

And speaking of blood, don't blink or you'll miss it. Scream taught us that the death toll is supposed to go up in the sequels, but I was hard-pressed to find much people-eating carnage here. They really dropped the ball on that one. The whole time you feel like you're watching an amusement park ride: some people get bounced around and scream a lot, but we all know that in the end, they're going to be just fine.

And speaking of the end, let's not. Frankly, it's pretty dumb. I'm willing to cut the writers some slack since the rescuers could have traced the location of the phone, even though that was never suggested in the movie itself. Basically, though, it's one of those endings you just accept and feel thankful that it did indeed end.

So, here was a movie made just for the money and to use up the extra film from the first two movies. But you knew that before you read this, and so did I. So I can't honestly say I was disappointed. Jurassic Park III is worth a glance, but any more than a glance will just bore you with same stuff you saw in the first movie. Mostly, though, it'll make you wish more than ever that all sequels would be outlawed, and that Sam Neill would find some work that actually puts his talents to good use.