Rosie O'Donnell

When I did the Top Five Tom Hanks movies I came to the dilemma of which film to put first. I really liked Hanks character in A League of Their Own and his portrayal of Joe in Joe versus The Volcano. I went with the latter because of my dislike for Rosie O'Donnell and my like for volcanoes.

Then I began to think, as I often do, about why I dislike Rosie O'Donnell. Yes, she does have a huge head. Yes, she is hate monger who brought the Koosh balls into pop culture. But that wasn't it.

I've narrowed down my dislike for her to two reasons. The characters she plays are anti-male and the Betty Rubble incident. Yes, I have only two reasons for not liking someone. That's two more than most.

Rosie O'Donnell always plays the role of women who men hate in real life. Who is the arch enemy of any man at any bar ? The fat friend of the girl you're trying to hook up with that night. Rosie O'Donnell has made a brilliant career of this. Example: Beautiful Girls ( 1996 ) Rosie O'Donnell doesn't play one of the two love interests of Matt Damon nor does she portray the 14 year old girl whom Tim Hudson has a major jones for. Instead, Rosie O'Donnell plays the fat beautician who tells all the women in the movie that men are scum. How many times has this happen to men in real life. Rosie O'Donnell doesn't know you, but she is sure she knows your type. Whatever that means. Is she being type cast ? Yes, but she could break out of that mold by portraying a door to door dildo saleswoman who gets all the chicks in the movie to dyke out or something. Hollywood is filled with roles like that. She should really talk to her agent.

Secondly, and this one hurt the most, Betty Rubble. Growing up I watched the Flintstones religiously. The Flintstones had that Honeymooners connection except for one. Fred Flintstone was definitely Jackie Gleason. He talked loud and was boisterous but was always good to his wife. Barney Rubble was Art Carney, the quirky best friend. Wilma Flintstone was definitely Alice. But it was Betty who didn't act like Trixie. Betty Rubble didn't nag Barney. She looked good on the cartoon. Her jet black hair, her 36-24-36 measurements all beneath a blue mastodon fur skirt. She seemed like the type of wife that would greet her husband with a beer and a hummer when he came home from work. The perfect chick. In 1994 when it came time to create a live action Flintstones movie, I was excited. John Goodman as Fred, Rick Moranis as Barney and Carmen Electra as Betty. This could be great, but no. Enter Rosie O'Donnell.

Rosie O'Donnell has 22-48-62 measurements, no mastodon hide could be large enough to cover her fat Oreo-eating ass. I was destroyed. I watched The Flintstones Movie in horror. Rick Moranis seemed to cower in fear every time he had a scene with Rosie for fear that her giant head would crush him. I feared for his life too. I feared that Rosie O'Donnell's portrayal would bring brimstone and locusts.

So that's it. That's why I dislike Rosie O'Donnell so much. Where is her place in world of film ? As a fat man hater who quite possibly ruined the sexiest role in film ever.